I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
