Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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