It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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