Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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