omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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