I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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