There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
