im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
