Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
