I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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