Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
