the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
