Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
