She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
