Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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