At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
