We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize