dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
