Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I didn't shave. On purpose
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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