i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
