At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize