she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
