if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize