***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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