You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
