like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
