im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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