I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
