Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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