I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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