you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
