You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
