I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
