Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
