love makes seman taste better
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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