I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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