I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just tell him i said nine months
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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