so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
