This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
