Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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