Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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