Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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