On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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