I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
