cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
