I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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