Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize