woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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