whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
