dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i need to put some appletini on your dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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