Your mouth is God's brothel.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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