Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
