how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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