guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
