I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
