You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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