I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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