We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize