I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
