look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize