Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
