evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
