everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
