I met the friendliest cop last night
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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