I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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