I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
