I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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