im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
