Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
