I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
