You really coming over, don't trick.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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