Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
