you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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