Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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