Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
