If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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